Humor in cigarettes

Funny jokes, phrases and pics on a "cigarette" theme.

Smoking Jokes

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A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”
“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”
The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.
The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.
A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”
The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?”

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Father: Junior, what did I say I'd do if I caught you smoking cigarettes?
Son: Dad, if you can't remember things, you can't expect me to help you out everytime!

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On the plane:
There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide.
There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.

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Famous people say about smoking

I think Ozzy Osbourne's quote says just how addictive cigarettes really are.
" I quit the futtin herion but I couldnt quit the futtin fags"
of course fags referring to cigarettes in England.

Mark Twain:
"Giving up smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times"

Brooke Shields
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life".
(during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign)

Somebody - Someplace
"I dont smoke, Im just the sucker on the other end"

Funny smoking pics